1. Save paper, don’t do home work.

2. I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better.

3. Do not drink and drive or you might spill the drink.

4. Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

5. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

6. When nothing goes right, Go left.

7. If common sense is so common why is there so many people with out it??

8. I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

9. When life gives you lemons.. Squirt it in your enemies eyes!!

10. Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

11. If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

12. If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

13. Coffee, Chocolate, Men. The richer the better!

14. Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.

15. Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

16. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

17. A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

18. Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.

19. Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs.

20. The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

21. When I see someone that is beautiful, I stare for awhile, and when I get tired, I put down the mirror.

22. If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

23. We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up. After I finish laughing!

24. Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.

25. The truth hurts … That’s why I lie.

26. Laughter is the best medicine but if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine.

27. Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

28. The girl who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

29. Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

30. Some Are Called Brave Because They forgot to run.

31. When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.

32. Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.

33. An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”

34. The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.

35. True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.

36. When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

37. When someone says everything happens for a reason, I’d like to smack them and say, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

38. It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

39. Diplomacy is telling someone to “Go to Hell” in such a way, that they look forward to taking the trip.

40. If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!

41. When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.

42. If my room is clean, it means that my internet is not working.

43. If others can do it … let them do it.

44. I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

45. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, damn you’re good.

46. Technology made life easy, Humans lazy.

47. Your future depend on your what you dream, so go to sleep.

48. I recently stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.

49. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again neither does milk.

50. Two things are infinite : the universe and human stupidity; I’m not sure about the universe.

51. Installing love. ……44%. Installation failed. Error 404: install money first.